Diff の点のネット // Network of the dot of diff

This much. Oh yes.

If anyone can ID any of the lovely, lovely records in this mix, hit the wiki

…with Curious Jay…

Aries (March 21-April 19). Dreams, wishes, and fantasies about bacon are strong now. You may be infatuated with someone you meet at this time, only to be disappointed later when you discover that the person does not run linux as his operating system nor does he care about open-source software. Your well thought-out rants on the evils of Micro$oft will fall on deaf ears, console yourself in knowing that you could probably “pwn” that “n00b” in a match of Quake 2. Your balls hurt.

You are simply not seeing people objectively now. Your imagination is very active and creative, your Harry Potter/Starship troopers fanfic will rise to third place on your favorite hentai website. Neck beards and MMPORGS are still unfashionable, but you still hold on dearly to the hope that someday, someone will fall in love with your guild raid skills.

Taurus (April 20-May 20). A need for solitude and a disinclination to socialize or get distracted from more pressing matters colors your mood. There is a strong chance your cat will drown in a horrible dish washer accident, it will not go to heaven because of it’s inherently evil nature. That rash on your thigh is not going away, especially if you keep picking at it. Stay away from Scorpio’s today, they’re in a rather bad mood today because of that whole sand incident.

Your relationship with your parents might take a dive today, remind them who holds the key to the gun rack and to shut the fuck up. You are feeling rather somber. Your job still sucks.

Gemini (May 21-June 21). Giving and receiving appreciation, love, and happiness come into your life now. You will be approached with a lucrative business arrangement over the internet by African royalty in some kind of trouble, it’s highly reccomended that you accept their deal because it’s a dead cert. You are moved to express your affections more openly than usual. You will experience some car trouble and it’ll be all your fault, say goodbye to your legs.

Your mother wants you over for Christmas, but you still cant forgive her for what happened last year. That bitch. Your pokemon collection will rise 5% in value, now is a good time to sell.

Cancer (June 22-July 22). This is an excellent time to eliminate whatever is unnecessary in your life. Some asshole with a neckbeard will start stalking you and try to convince you of the evils of some corporation and of the virtues of “open-source”, whatever the hell that is. Kick him in the groin and he’ll go away.

Something lost, hidden, or forgotten may come to light. But you’ll quickly remember why you forgot about it in the first place. Because it’s rubbish. Your lucky numbers are 1, 5 and pi.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). You have to be careful not to take things “too far’… This is when your inner fears or self doubts could cause you to take actions you’ll later regret. You will spontaneously develop a brand new fetish involving miniature boats and a particularly sassy looking teddy bear. Your stomach will start to itch at around 4 PM. The good news is that the itching will fade within 10 minutes, the bad news is that the itching will be replaced by pure agonizing pain as your insides churn into liquid shit. You will find a penny on the floor and you’ll be very happy about that. Your lucky direction is south east.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). I’m sure you’re well aware that this is when the universe is pushing you to take your ideas forward and obtain greater states of girth. That dream is back again, the one where you viscously murder everyone you love. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything. But to be on the safe side you should refrain from being in a room with somebody you care about where tools of manslaughter are readily available. You should get yourself a puppy, puppies are awesome. These horoscopes are getting shorter.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). I can’t write this crap who the hell reads this anyway, i bet if i leave this line here the proof-reader won’t even notice.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Some dipshit mixed sand with your vaseline. Your anus is bleeding. Aside from that, things are great! Your brilliant business plan involving deep sea oysters and cheap, cheap African labour is nearing completion. In a few years you’ll be able to retire from this rather dull lion taming job and follow your exciting dreams to become an accountant. You should capitalize on your bleeding anus and dye some of your old white t-shirts a pleasing reddish-brown colour.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Ok, so you weren’t to know she was a close relative. Its not as if anyone told you until it was too late. Is it so wrong to be with the one you love? Its probably best to go down the clinic though, this world doesn’t need yet another mutant on its hands.

Just because they give you those looks in the streets, doesn’t mean they’re not jealous. There’s a lot of kinky moves you can pull off with two wooden legs afterall.

Capricon (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Chin up, the world isn’t all against you. So you’re stuck in a job you hate.. you think your ‘friends’ are conspiring against you.. that lump just isn’t going away? Things will change, its only a matter of time. They can’t stay this bad forever.. can they?

Ok so maybe they can. Maybe this life just isn’t for you afterall. There’s a shotgun in the cupboard and its a nice afternoon. I hear the local kindergarten is only down the road. If you’re gonna go out, you might’s well go out on a high.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). The birds are singing, and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Yes, for you the world is your oyster. You’re the one that every guy wants to be, and every girl wants to be with. But you hit it pretty hard last night, so occasionally those facts switch places, and this morning your head isn’t as sore as your ass. But you kinda like that don’t you. Maybe its time to tell everyone what they already guessed last summer.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). The time you have been waiting for draws ever closer. Tonight, the bourgeoisie pigs will squeal as your righteous proletariat comrades sear their flesh with the mighty blade of the communist revolution. Or maybe “Lost”™ is on. Yeah, that’s it.

Anyone who knows me knows my personal opinion on this, but, since the world of small talk, gossip and close friends birthday reminders now revolves around this damned site, I feel that The Diff should only oblige and open its addled hivemind to new and exciting web 2.0 fubar opportunities and get down with “generation, meh”.

By which of course I mean join facebook.

Catch us there as: “Thediff Dot Net”

In the meantime, I have a sudden urge to bludgeon a .com speculator with a guitar hero controller.

TheDiff.net, for better or worse, now has its own wiki.

>>> here <<

You know. The one you can edit yourself.

I’m sure this will be the cornerstone of our next dastardly plan, which will manefest itself as soon as irrelephant sets up the call…

*cue laughter and wobble board thunder*

it’s a grey day at the end of a grey week. the whole world is on edge, teeth bared and neck-hair bristling, waiting for something to appear over the horizon. we’re all waiting, too. we growl at each other, snapping at the exposed hind-quarters of even our closest friends, even though smile (toothily) when they lock eyes with us, daring us to try again.
at the bar last night, the doom-saying prophet cornered my brother and i. nothing unusual in that. we toasted to one another with beer and bourbon, and lamented the cruel failures of psychoanalysis. then “dancing queen” came on, and the prophet fell to boogeying with a passion. matthew, bettina and i slipped outside.

I’m not untypical in the fact I work hard at a job I have no feeling towards, and that the lunch hour I get is my sanctuary, my mecca.. its MY time and for you to get in the way of it is just damned inconsiderate. Now I’m not an unreasonable man.. I accept accidents occur and your stupidity might get in the way of my bliss, and I can forgive you for this, but it seems that a lot of people today are out there to specifically invade my time on an almost professional level. Today I shall talk you through some of these miscreants and together we can join forces to eat sandwiches in peace. Because where I live in the UK, on my lunch hour I cannot walk down the high street without bumping into…

The Chuggers

Right lets get the obvious nasties out of the way. ‘Oh but Mr Jay, they’re doing work for charity! Charity! How dare you in your swanky $15 sneakers and your cheapsake band tshirt criticise these wonderful people for helping out the poor. Or deaf. Or.. gas companies?’ because indeed, half the time these walking shitbags aren’t even campaigning to help someone less fortunate, but trying to persuade me to change my suppliers. On my fucking lunch hour. Listen guy, if I wanted to get a better deal on my services, I’d do it when its appropriate.. during the working hours of the day using the company phonelines. Why would they give me a phone if I wasn’t supposed ot use it to benefit my life? Seems pointless to let it just sit there, ringing all day.

But what about the ones trying to help out? They’re just trying to spread some joy in the world right? Wrong. They’re cunts and they’re making more money acting as wacky student dickheads in the street than I am slaving over a forever ringing phone. Doing a real job. One that involves numbers and graphs and stuff. If these assbags gave a shit about ‘3rd World Albinos with Ass Cancer’ as much as they pretend, then they can give their wages to them and stop getting between me and my ploughmans.

The Religious Zealots

Possibly worse than the chuggers, because these guys tend to have microphones, megaphones or other forms of voice projecting equipment. Now, bizarrely enough I don’t generally give a shit about what other people believe, as long as they keep it to their damn selves. So you’re more brilliant than me and you’ve found the way to eternal happiness? Fantastic, I hope you have a great afterlife.. but please don’t try to tell it at me at high decibels whilst I’m trying to savour the delights of my turkey sub. I’m already happy, as I probably stole the sandwich from a homeless guy whilst he was chasing after his dog that I accidentally let free.. why tell me about being happy in 50 years time? I’ll be old then. All I’ll want to do is sleep anyway. I like the ones who paint pictures in the street tho, especially when they’re dyslexics and they’re trying ever so hard to teach me about jessu. Especially guilty are the Hare Krishnas.. if there’s enough of them in a line, it can slow down my ability to get to my food by a significant amount of time. And they dress like girls.

‘Human Statues’ and other Pathetic Sideshow Acts

‘So Bob, what do you do for a living?’
‘Oh, I’m an accountant.. numbers and graphs and shit.. what do you do Mike?’
‘I sell cheese. It smells like shit, but it pays the bils.. say Zack, how do you spend the hours of 9 to 5?’
‘I paint myself white, then I stand in the middle of the street whilst I don’t move and expect people to give me money because apparently this is an amazing talent or something.’
‘Wow, you sound like a right twat”

But you have to ask yourselves, who is more the twat.. the selfrighteous prick who failed art college and tricks himself into thinking he’s being original of some sorts by performing such an amazing act of human brilliance, or the utter idiots who stand there looking at a guy painted white who doesn’t move for up to around 15 minutes. We get it. He’s a statue. He doesn’t move. Now stop forming circles around him and get out of my fucking way, you’re blocking half of the street. Morons. The only exception to this rule is if someone is performing something dangerous.. like juggling fire or taunting a lion.. then the reverse is true: the bigger the crowd the better. Higher chances of someone getting killed ,and giving me something entertaining to watch whilst I eat my bacon and brie baguette. Oh yes, I’m a classy bastard me. I know what ‘brie’ is.

Homeless People Who Sing

Now, these are a different breed to buskers, who sometimes have some talent but also the experience that they’re not good enough (read: attractive) and therefore never going to make it in the music business, so resort to using their only skill to pay for their one bedroom flat in the bad end of town. Now, whilst slightly irritating, I can at least appreciate the fact they usually can perform the song they’re attempting. Unlike the singing homeless, who have realised that simply sitting there isn’t a good enough way of getting my money, but by tunelessly repeating a song they haven’t heard in 5 years is a surefire way of getting the rewards they so crave. There’s plenty of use the homeless have in our society.. picking up litter, basic recycling duties, cheap babysitting.. but generally singing isn’t their forte. Pretty much the last thing I need to suffer from whilst gorging on a small serving of sushi is an extra from Night of the Living Dead singing My Way at me, in between swigging from the local supermarkets drain cleaner. They may be your streets, but its my lunch time and you’re getting in my way.

So there we go. My hour of joy utterly ruined by tossers of all genders, ages, mental state and passion.. united by their requirement to go out of their way to make me feel just that little bit worse. Thanks assholes.

please hold on to your seats/hat/umbrella/spliff/overcoat/galoshes/cat/baguette(thanks dough)/trousers/baby.